| welcome to the US |
[Tuesday , October 18th, 2005
4:07am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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the terminal |
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ive never been so unhealthy as i am now. i need to start changing my habits now before i get stuck with them. if im not really into exercising then i at least need to get good sleep and eat right.
and if you see me post any time after midnight, then yell at me because i should be either in bed, or winding down from my day. im fat and feel like crap, my skin has never looked so bad and i dont have the energy to do anything but sit and watch tv.
blah. new me starting.....now!
the fight tonight on UFC was really dissapointing.
and this means new jounal also, so add it if youd like......
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) graveyard_charm
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| vbn |
[Sunday , October 16th, 2005
12:27pm] |
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this is the earliest ive been up in a long time. alex and steven are tiling my parents bathroom finally. im really excited because it will look soo much better than concrete. hopefully alex will come back some other day to do my bathroom. i took nyquil the past couple nights and it helps me sleep really well, but when i wake up in the morning i feel almost sick, like not quite sick, but just a wierd feeling in my stomach. anyways....late
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| take it or leave it |
[Friday , October 14th, 2005
4:54pm] |
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im not going to change for anyone. ive been this way for as long as i can remember. im quite, and hate speaking my mind to people i dont really know, i avoid confrontation, but i thrive on getting into fights with the people that matter most. i like being right, its hard for me not to be. i will argue with someone who thinks im wrong until im blue in the face. i cry, A LOT over stupid shit. if you cant wait an hour so i can go with you to eat, then ill get pissed, act sarcastic, i will have that tone of voice that everyone hates. ill hang up on you and not call back because im stubborn as all hell. i get it all from my father and this causes me to have some resentment towards him. i hate explaining my thoughts and i hate explaining my actions even more, i think that everyone should just automatically get what im saying. i hate being hot and it will ruin a whole day for me, so will having to wake up earlier than i want. i like sleeping all day and no i dont think im wasting away my life, what the fuck else is there to do that time anyways? i have about 2 friends that ARENT stevens friends and thats the most depressing thing i have ever thought. i get a long better with guys, but lately it seems that all they want to do is make fun of me, including my boyfriend sometimes, even if he thinks its a joke it still hurts. i HATE being laughed at, it will ruin anything we have going and i will not want to even see your face afterwards. i put up with a lot of bullshit from a lot of fake people just because it makes people happy. i hate half of his friends and he just doesnt understand why. (mostly the ones he knows from a long long time ago) i can tell you if i like someone withing 5 minute of meeting them, if i dont want to see them again, then i will wine and complain if i am forced to. oh ya and i hate being forced to do things. im extremely pessimistic and i hate ALMOST everyone. im grumpy and i like being alone better than i like being around people, thats why if you are one of my 2 friends i dont call. i dont like talking on the phone i think its pointless. i hate looking like a girly girl so dont try and make me. more than likely if you try and do my hair, or makeup ill ruin it and do it the way I do it. i like routine, i have one, mess with it and ill get upset. im the most jealous person you will ever meet, if you look at my boyfriend ill want to kill you, and then ill think he wants something other than me. i think that if things are perfect, then you arent living. but i like perfection in my life, im neat and i hate cleaning up after steven sometimes, but i do it anyways because i love him and i love being neat. everyone thinks im a little spoiled, i just never really got what i wanted when i was a kid so now that i can, im going to take advantage of the opportunity. i usually say one thing and do another, i think thats called being a hypocrite. i have a really hard time opening up to people, talking about my feelings makes me feel sick, i regret a lot, but thats ok. sometimes i feel like my life is a really bad talk show and im the topic. there are so many things about me that people want to change and i hate them for trying. ITS YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE SO CHANCES ARE I WONT CARE. im almost 21 years old and a lot of you might say some bull like "its never too late to change" i dont think its going to happen so if you dont like me the way i am now, then you never will.
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| black moon tonight |
[Wednesday , October 12th, 2005
2:54am] |
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music |
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the distillers - drain the blood |
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so if my mom and steven talk about how hed better stop spoiling me now or hell be in trouble. then i should stop cleaning up after his messy ass before i have to do it for the rest of my life!
no word from work
i just found out today that you can get a scoop of icecream for a dollar on tuesdays at 31 flavors
um its getting cooler, YAY
i hate little girls (always have, always will)and i hate the guys that think its ok to date them
alex is going to tile my rents bathroom sunday and im super excited
i think that about it
oh and if someone could please tell me where i can snag me one of these cuties that would be sweet
[ps] i just rememberd something funny, the other night at loris steven FELL into the jacuzzi. we laughed, and i just found a hickie on my neck, man were great!
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| abc |
[Tuesday , October 11th, 2005
4:45am] |
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so i care that steven thinks HUGE gauged ears on girls is unattractive, but im not going to let it stop me, hell love me still and just get used to them. and im fat as ever but i worked off mcdonalds i ate today doing it with steven so.... its goddamn late, all i know is that tomorrow im going to pop a couple niquil and its lights the fuck out. bye
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| so im in a bad mood |
[Saturday , October 8th, 2005
1:47am] |
so matts got another girlfriend, noone bothers to call us anymore, weve got other friends now too, its what happens when people stop calling. true colors shine and most of the time its a shade of shit brown. and you wonder why we never call anymore either. im not speaking for the both of us really, i guess just me. but what do you expect? its almost laughable how many times ive been through this with people and it doesnt mean anything to me that everyone has ended up going differnt ways, im not like you anyways, now i know some people that are and its better. im sorry.
other than that bull, steven and i went to mikes to watch the UFC fights. they were a little dissapointing but only because most of them ended first round. i mean its great to see a knockout in the first 15 seconds, but it leaves you wanting more. then issac came over and chilled for a while. a quite day kind of. wearing my glasses makes my neck hurt. i love them, but theyre too heavy. i need new contacts baaaad the ones i have now are goin on probably 6 months and thats terrible, but im poor. got news that work still isnt starting until the 17th. im getting very anxious. i almost want to go over there and do shit myself just so it gets done quicker. and me telling people that the dats pushed back AGAIN makes me look like the idiot. anyways.
lori got into another car accident. i havent seen her or the car yet. she says its totaled. i think this is her last one before things start getting complicated. good thing is she and stephanie werent hurt, just a little sore.
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| uhh yea...hi |
[Friday , October 7th, 2005
3:41am] |
steven brought it up so i dont feel bad.
oh and im really glad i never got into drugs because if i did id probably be pregnant and looking for the father of my child just like 1 out of 5 girls in fallbrook these days. its a shame that this kind of thing has to happen in my town. its probably the only thing keeping me from being proud to live here, that and the hundreds of non english speaking mexicans that have diseased this town like a plague. a mexican had the audacityto tell stevens step mom that SHE, a citizen of the united states, needs to learn spanish so she can communicate with the mexicans that went into her store. if i was there i swear to god i would look him in the eyes and tell him that if HE wants to come to the USA and live amongstamericans for a better life HE is the one who needs to learn OUR language. were fucking paying your welfare so you can feed your 10 kids, YOU show US some respect and learn english. god im so pissed right now. this is a really sore subject with me. and im not really sorry if i have offended anyone, you look around and see what this place has become, a step aways from fucking TJ. and my grandpa is full blood mexican which makes me a quarter so dont try and pull any bullshit on me.
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| saturday went |
[Thursday , October 6th, 2005
5:18am] |
had a nice conversation with yuki again, felt like i was back in ap art laughing about nothing because art can be a really boring class. good times, i think he said hed stop by and bring casablanca because ive never seen it.
ok 50 first dates has some really good lines in it, i freaking love this movie.
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| Rally Car |
[Tuesday , October 4th, 2005
5:43pm] |
so i was thinking that its been a year and almost a month since my car accident. and i really miss the Rally Car a lot and wish that i still had it.
RIP ?/?/1997 - 9/12/2004
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| i see a ship in the harbor |
[Sunday , October 2nd, 2005
4:36am] |
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i think for the first time in a long time i really have nothing to say. to me, that means life is ok. i guess i could tell you that i went to the mall with a bunch of sweaty boys....yea nevermind.
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[Friday , September 30th, 2005
4:45pm] |
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i find it hard to believe you did it for yourself. honey your as clear as glass and we can all see right through you. i usually feel sorry when people makes mistakes or bad decisions.....theres nothing else to do but laugh at yours.
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| diamonds are forever |
[Thursday , September 29th, 2005
2:42am] |
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mood |
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PO'ed |
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music |
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kanye west - diamonds |
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so im fucking tired as hell and cant stop thinking about how badly i want to be a tattoo artist but am too worried that my skills so far arent near good enough. practice makes perfect. i will now carry a pad and pencil everywhere i go. if you see me without it, hit me in the eye.
i miss bubba, issacs mom is insanely wierd, kids (especially girls) who become edge just to impress those around them (lets face it most of the times its for a fucking guy) need to be straightend out. and this means beat to shit.....oh yea and beaten to shit even more for breaking edge because all the sxe friends they had, arent thier friends anymore. im not even edge and this shit pisses me off. i hate you.
i was looking through my pictures and i found these. its just a reminder of how random life can be, and how quick good times can just fade away...
( in here )
ive seen chris around the carlsbad mall, i think riaz and chris still live together, max moved back to where he was from across the united states and i have no idea what the other chris is doing. some days i miss driving to carlsbad, to the apartment, being annoyed as hell that the train was out the back window. walking across the tracks to the beach with a mini cooler with 3 beers in it (all that can fit) getting yelled at by bums, watching red tide and seeing dead possums washed up on shore. sneaking into jacuzzis at the hotels on the beach. i miss going to random parties and having to pay to get in, or leaving real shady parties. i miss seeing katie grable puke her brains out and being really embarrased that the friends i brought over got wasted beyond anything. i miss getting to know new people, being called just because they wanted to hang out. i hella miss cramming my ass into a little tiny car, driving an hour to watch a baseball game. stealing wood for a fire, sitting in the bed of a truck and pushing old blown tires off the tailgate..... i blew it basically. and im really bummed.
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| spinnin free |
[Monday , September 26th, 2005
3:22am] |
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mood |
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frustrated |
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music |
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jimmy eat world - the sweetness |
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i hate that its so late, i hate that im tired all the way here but as soon as i get in bed its impossible to close my eyes. i always have so many things on my mind, i swear it runs 100 miles per hour but when i try to put everything into a sentence it comes out at like 5. i cut stevens hair a mm.....yesterday i think, i finished tonight and styled it. i think it looks nice. tonight i start my diet, and tomorrow i start not smoking as much anymore. notice its not as much and not totally. what im sayin is that ill bum one off someone if i feel like it, but im not going to buy my own. and usually bumming means when im at someones house, like a party. and i go to parties about 1nce a month sooooooo.....ill be smoking once a month k. i start REAL work in a week and i still havent heard from my boss. shit makes me irritated.
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| 10 fifteen years |
[Sunday , September 25th, 2005
3:50am] |
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mood |
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creative |
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music |
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50 first dates |
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so today the car stalled on the freeway, we didnt get to go to the tattoo shop and my paycheck still hasnt come. i think someone stole it, i dont know, its wierd. i just rearranged my room, moved the dresser and couch. i like it. when we were at walmart tonight with issac i found the fabric im going to use to make my curtains. its fucking awesome. 2.50$ a yard or something like that. there was this one girl at the mall, i know steven knows her and all, maybe shes a cool girl, but when i see girls like that all i can think of is how bad i want to punch them in the face. people just have the words 'fucking ridiculous!' written across their fore heads. i know its mean, but thats how i am and im not about to change because truth is, 90% of the time im right about these people. and to be honest, im glad that steven has changed. and to be honest some more, im glad that he doesnt really know any of those people any more, because i would have a hard time dealing with it if he did......to be honest. sorry but not really. im tired, night.
"do you have a cat, because i feel something lickin me."
"remember to use a condom, or in your case...a hefty bag."
oh yea and when i was moving the couch i killed 5 spiders. then my cat ate one. it made me itchy.
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| luxury |
[Thursday , September 22nd, 2005
1:47am] |
the whole thing i was worried about with steven was...as always, nothing. i feel a lot better. oh yea and i want these things sent to my house tomorrow, that would be great, thanks!
i want steven to do whatever the hell he wants with himself, because ill love him no matter how he has his hair, but gaaaaah how sexy would he be if he had long hair and a beard! i mean cooommme oooonnnn.
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[Wednesday , September 21st, 2005
2:45am] |
two things i hate most
missing calls from cool people and not being able to call them back
reading something so insignificant, then worrying that someone is lying to me, and losing sleep over it
both happend tonight and now its 245 in the morning, i want to call steven and get some answers but he hates it when i wake him up. then hell probably ask me what im still doing up and ill have to tell him why. and i hate that.
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| the witness |
[Tuesday , September 20th, 2005
5:33pm] |
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reminder; i cant wait until halloween. ok bye.
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| got it |
[Monday , September 19th, 2005
3:46am] |
randy is leaving for pennsylvania at the first of the year. this means i need to get lots of money and get all my work done before then. hes coming back every winter though, which is good. i guess the other 9 months of the year ill go to jeremiah. oh well, either way im bummed.....thats about it, really got nothing else to say.
uh, the restraunt opens october 4th
and i love mu bubba
ok
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